Halloween is this Sunday, which means we've entered what a friend of mine calls “The Halloween-to-New-Year Holiday Death Spiral.” Just in case any of you Dads and Kids out there are working on your gift lists early, I thought I'd post this now; how you wrap them is your problem.
The Top 10 List of What Every Mother Wants for Christmas
10. Vacation days and sick leaveAnd the Number One item that every mother wants for Christmas:
9. A self-cleaning bathroom
8. An item of clothing with no grease stains, bleach spots or spit-up on it
7. A year's worth of dinner menus that don't include hamburger
6. Vaccinations for the common cold
5. A reliable, efficient car that will hold six kids plus groceries – and is a candy-apple red convertible
4. A conversation that doesn't involve chores, homework or the discussion of someone else's feces
3. 24 hours of instant, cheerful cooperation
2. A surprise visit from Jensen Ackles onstage at the school's Winter Concert
1. A happy, healthy, well-adjusted family clustered around the tree
A final hint: If you get us that last one - don't worry about the other nine.