Breastfeeding Tips

Maggie writes:

Here are a few tried and true tips that will make your breastfeeding adventure a tad easier.

Breast Bibs!

When I first started nursing, I thought of trying to market what I thought was simply a brilliant idea: Breast Bibs. It's exactly as you probably have pictured it: take a baby bib, preferrably one with velcro tabs, pretend the top of your breast is the neck and put the sucker on! See what the sleep deprived mind comes up with when dealing with yet ANOTHER wet spot (ha!) on the bed? Since that time, I discovered a more simple method with the same end results. Receiving blankets! We all have them. If you don't want to use those, use cloth diaper prefolds or burp rags. All you do is tuck them under your nursing bra, over the flap or nursing pad and under your baby's double chin. This effectively catches the over-flow of milk as your new born latches and unlatches multiple times in an effort to drive you mad. When you're done with the nursing session, you simply remove it from their double chin, put it up over your shoulder (which is why I like receiving blankets--nice length for this maneuver), keeping it tucked in over your nipples to help contain any more leakage as you burp your baby. After you're done burping, wipe up baby's face and use the blanket for the second breast if needed.

Water

This might seem to be an obvious tip, but you'd be surprised. When THEY say to drink lots of water to keep up your milk supply, THEY weren't kidding! A couple of weeks ago, I had some family visit. Lots of soda was in the house as a result. Now, soda is a weakness of mine, which is why we generally don't keep it in the house. That weekend, I drank practically nothing BUT soda and boy could I see a difference in my supply! The letdowns (when your milk suddenly fills your breasts, begging to be nursed) weren't nearly as intense as when my main beverage was water. I was even momentarily worried that my milk supply was on its way out! I started drinking water like a camel and everything righted itself. Whew! Seriously, ladies, drink your water, whether you're nursing or not!

Switching Breasts

They say you should try to nurse evenly between both breasts, so you don't end up lopsided. Well, I nursed fairly evenly and still ended up with lopsided ladies, so don't be surprised if that happens to you. Anyhow, THEY are so adamant about nursing them evenly that THEY've suggested going so far as writing in a notebook to keep track of where you left off. If this works for you, go for it. THEY've also suggested wearing a bracelet on the wrist of whichever side you left off or perhaps tying a ribbon on the bra strap of that side. Anything to remind you to switch sides! Me? I go by whichever breast feels fullest. Then again, when your milk first comes in and your get engorged (believe me, it will happen!), it is hard to tell which is fullest. At that point in time, use one of the suggested methods for remembering or go by whichever hurts the most.

Engorgement

Speaking of engorgement! It's no joke! It can be SO uncomfortable and down right painful. You suddenly have HUGE boobs, they are ungainly and in the way. That and it can make nursing difficult. If you find you're so hard that baby is having a difficult time latching on, squirt some of the milk into a burp cloth or a receiving blanket until it is soft enough around the nipple to get a sufficient amount of the nipple AND areola into that hungry baby's mouth. Don't be afraid of "wasting" the milk. There is plenty more where that came from! You'll be able to feel hard areas on your breast; Those are mammary glands filled to the brim with milk. Massage them to help relieve the pressure. Be sure to follow it all the way up to your armpits and down to the bottom of your breasts. If needed, you can fill an old sock with rice and warm it up in the microwave. Put those small heating pads on the hard parts to encourage the milk to move. You can use both those techniques while nursing.

Don't forget to drink your water!

When in Doubt, Squirt it Out

Breast milk is, in a word, Awesome. You can put it in your child's eye to cure Pink Eye and ear to clear up an ear infection! Even if you don't pump to fill bottles for later, pump out a bit to use for those purposes. I've even used it to augment the BRAT (Banana, Rice, Applesauce, Toast) diet for older kids who have an upset tummy. What they don't know... In this case, it'll help them!

Nursing Pillows

Many women swear by boppys. I prefer My Brest Friend as it feels more secure and fits me better. Either way, find a pillow that works for you. It is better to have the baby brought up to breast level instead of hunching over. As soon as you can, I recommend learning how to nurse while lying down on your side. To keep the baby from rolling away, roll up and wedge a receiving blanket under baby's back. Belly to belly is best.

Schedule? Pumping?

My lifestyle never led me to NEED to schedule feedings. I've always fed on demand and that works for me. With my first nursing baby, I pumped quite a bit for the rare occasion I'd go out without Baby. Pumping never really gave me much milk, though, and it was a time suck. So I didn't do it for my second nursling, nor for this one thus far. Breast milk is neat in that it changes with the baby's needs. So, if you pump a bunch when they are one month old, but don't use that milk until they are three months old, your milk has changed by then! While it definitely won't hurt your baby to have the other milk, it won't be as satisfying. So, for me? Eh, I just don't bother. Again, this is what works for me and my family. If you find that pumping for night time bottles works for you and you can make it through the engorged nights (before your breasts adjust to no night feedings..), then go for it. If you're going back to work and wish to continue nursing your baby, by all means, pump!

Do what works for YOU.

If you've got any tips, please share! I may consider myself a veteran, but I'm always up for learning something new or adjusting one of my techniques to work more efficiently.

Home Again!

Mollie writes:

John and I went on a one week vacation, sailing the San Juan Islands.  This is something we couldn't even imagine doing ten years ago, when our kids were teens, let alone when we first married.  We never imagined we'd have our own sailboat, let alone the energy to take it sailing for a whole week.

How times change!

Part of the reason we are so comfortable now is that we started saving immediately after getting married.  We've had good fortune in not experiencing unemployment (other than the 'unemployment' I chose after the kids were born).  We learned great thrift habits, learned to say "no" to ourselves, learned to do without, etc.  What 'they' tell you really is true, it's easier to save and plan when you're young than when you're in your sixties.

As a result, we ended up in our sixties with our home paid off, money in savings, and a retirement pension.  Not bad.  But none of this happened without a lot of saving and scrimping in our early years.  Two years ago, we had enough saved up to buy a very used sailboat, complete with two heads (nice when you have two fogies on diuretics!).  And we enjoy it lavishly whenever we can.

It's hard to believe that, when you are 27 years old (my husband's age when we bought our first home) that we'd ever pay off a 30 year mortgage, but we did, and even did it a little early.  We stayed in our first home for 15 years, and when we bought our second, we financed a 15 year mortgage so that we'd still have it paid off within our 30 year plan.  And yes, you, too, will see age 57 and beyond.  So bear this in mind.

When we were young, we had to listen to a lot of criticism about our thriftiness.  Some friends and family eschewed generic beer, K-mart wardrobes and mac & cheese.  They didn't get why we drove used economy cars rather than new luxury models.  But after 30 years, we don't have to explain anymore.

So, keep the faith.  No matter what, when you chose to raise kids, you chose the rocky, thrifty road.  Make it work for you!   Someday, those little ones will have homes of their own, and you'll be sailing calm seas.

When Your Kid Gets a Life

Millie writes:

It used to be that during the summer I did more cruise directing than the Activities Coordinator on the Pacific Princess. I had six little ducklings who would follow wherever I led, and I led them everywhere; we'd travel together, we'd picnic together, we'd swim together and at night we'd collapse together on the couch and I'd read them a chapter or two of our latest book.

Boy, have things changed.

This summer there are only four ducklings left in the nest. Two are actually full-fledged drakes, and the other two are growing their flight feathers as fast and furiously as they can. Gone are the days when I rearranged my schedule to accommodate them – now THEY fit US into their schedules when they can find a spare moment. There has been no travel this summer, and few picnics or other outings that include the entire family; our annual Family Campout is coming up, and two of the in-house four will miss all but the last day because they have to work.

I used to dread this. I adore my kids, and I adore being a mom because it means I get to DO things with them. Back in our full-house days (and it's shocking how recently that was, feels like eons ago), Lance used to say worriedly, “Millie, when Joy moves out you're gonna be a mess.” (Joy is the oldest and would, we assumed, be the first to leave the nest; she wasn't, but that's a story for another day.) Actually it was Joy moving out that made the whole idea okay, because . . . even though she lived somewhere else, she was still Joy.

Besides, by that time we hardly ever saw her anyway. You can tell your kids have reached their late teens once you can recognize them more quickly from the back than you can from the front – they're always out or on their way out. Our “babies” are fifteen and sixteen, and if they're not volunteering they're out riding bikes or playing basketball, and if they're not out doing that they're at a rehearsal for something, and if they're not out doing that they're off with friends or at yet another birthday/ slumber party. If they're not gadding about they're asleep. The college kids are even more elusive, because they can stay out all day and half the night – so they do.

How do I handle this?

Well, first, I rejoice. My kids are healthy and active and social, so even though I am sometimes very nostalgic for those “get in the car, we're going to the zoo!” days, the fact that they're becoming more independent all the time means that I'm doing my job right. We raise our ducklings from the beginning with one eye on the day they'll fly away, after all; that would be a pretty awful day if there hadn't been some gradual loosening of the ties first.

Secondly, we have trained them well so even though we may not be together, we keep tabs on each other. That's fairly easy in these days of cell phones, but beyond that we have a few firm house rules: Let people know where you're going, call home if your plans change and no one under the age of 18 is allowed to be in a house where there is no parental supervision. Lance and I follow these rules, too. It's just good sense, no matter your relative ages: If they need backup they need to know how to get in touch with you, and you need to know how to get to them. (By the way, this is one of the great unsung benefits that comes with having adult children: All of a sudden, you have backup! That's pretty great.)

Finally, I try to get my own life. I had one, once, B.C. (Before Children). I am still in the school volunteer – homework helper – visits to the dentist/ pediatrician / optometrist stage of motherhood, but it is fading fast. I can see the time coming when my most important Motherly function is going to be remaining on “standby” in case they get stranded or stuck. I don't have the time to pursue anything yet – having four kids with four schedules is like having a nursing baby, you just sit down to focus on something and you're NEEDED again – but I'm working on it.

Meanwhile, I'm enjoying the Chaos Years. When they're over, my kids will be “visiting” when they're with me, not “home” - and that day will be here soon enough.

Introducing: May

Millie writes:

Today we at “Ask Millie and Mollie” are proud to introduce our latest contributing author, May! She’s a newlywed, a health-care professional, a big-city girl and is currently collaborating with her husband on a novel. They’re also working towards their goal of starting a family within the next few years.

Welcome, May!

May writes:

The First Year of Marriage

Phil and I celebrated our one-year anniversary back in June, and since then I’ve had the opportunity to reflect on what I’ve learned since the wedding. This is just scratching the surface, but here are a few examples.

Living together is not the same as being married. I decided long before I met Phil that I would live with my fiancé for a while before we were married, to get a sense of what being married to him would be like. This was a worthy plan in theory, but in action there’s a huge difference between living with your boyfriend and living with your husband. Once you’re married, your relationship changes in subtle ways that you may not even realize at first. Becoming someone’s wife brings with it whole new levels of commitment, intimacy and responsibility.

There will always be something new to learn about your spouse. Always. No matter how much you think you know, he/she can always surprise you.

Being married takes a lot of work. I’ve known several people who have thought their relationship troubles would be resolved if they just got married, but this simply isn’t true. There is a fair amount of effort that you will both need to put into maintaining your relationship if things are going to work. It’s not unpleasant stuff, but it’s important to make time to check in with each other, address questions and concerns either of you might have, hang out and play and enjoy each other’s company. You can’t take your spouse or your relationship for granted.

You will both be required to make a lot of compromises. This is not to say that either of you should give up on any of the things that are truly important to you (you shouldn’t marry someone who wants you to give up your fondest dreams anyway), but it does mean that you will both have to learn to re-prioritize. In the first year or so of your marriage, you may decide that “go back to school” should be after “buy a house” and “start a family”.

You will fight, or at least argue. This does not necessarily mean that you’re a bad couple or that your marriage is in trouble; there’s just no way that two people who spend that much time together will never ever disagree, particularly after a stressful day. Whether or not you argue is not nearly as important as how you deal with it.

Your lives will not instantly be the way you’d always imagined as soon as you’re married. Somehow, even after we’d been living together for almost a year, some part of my brain was convinced that as soon as we were married we’d have a house, a puppy, a few kids, I’d be able to quit my job and be a mom; but in reality, our day-to-day lives were about the same. There’s a lot of work that goes into building a life together, and it takes time and effort. It can be exhausting and aggravating and can feel like you’re just spinning your wheels in some ways, but at the same time, these are the things that teach you to work as a team, to save and plan with your money, to decide on mutual goals for the future.

You may be overcome by sudden babylust. This is probably not a problem for everyone out there, but before we were married, Phil and I were planning to wait five or six years before starting a family. After being married for about three or four months, however, we were both hit with some sort of biological avalanche and we wanted a baby in a way we had never expected. It could happen to you!!!!

At the end of the day, what it comes down to is simply this; there’s no way to know everything about how marriage works. All you can do is accept the fact that there will be surprises along the way, and don’t be afraid to ask for help or advice when you need it. It may be rough at times, but having that person in your life is so, so worth it.

Introducing: Maggie

Millie writes:

Today we at “Ask Millie and Mollie” are proud to introduce a new contributing author: Maggie! She's a stay at home mom, a writer, a homeschooler and (obviously) a wizard at organization.

maggie and milly and molly and may

maggie and milly and molly and may
went down to the beach (to play one day)

and maggie discovered a shell that sang
so sweetly she couldn’t remember her troubles,and

milly befriended a stranded star
whose rays five languid fingers were;

and molly was chased by a horrible thing
which raced sideways while blowing bubbles:and

may came home with a smooth round stone
as small as a world and as large as alone.

for whatever we lose(like a you or a me)
it’s always ourselves we find in the sea

e. e. cummings

Our Maggie is a mother with very young children. Millie is dealing with the teenage years. Mollie is a Parent Emeritus, successfully retired from the trenches and looking forward to grandparenthood. May – well, you'll meet May very soon.

Welcome, Maggie!

Maggie writes:

I've been nursing for quite some time now. It has been both a blessing and a challenge--come to think of it, that's a way to describe raising children as well! I'm now nursing my fourth child, who is not quite three weeks old yet. That's not to say I successfully nursed all four children.

Nope, the first one didn't quite work out. In order to succeed at this nursing business, I find it is good to know what does NOT work, so I'm going to share why it didn't stick the first go around. 

I didn't research breastfeeding while I was pregnant, nor did I have any sort of example to follow after. I kinda figured I'd muddle through and be fine. Research! Learn! Do your best to figure out what to expect. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
When I gave birth, I had an epidural. While it was lovely to be pain free, it meant that Baby was very sleepy and hard to teach how to nurse from the beginning. Another thing I would highly recommend researching before doing.

I did NOT have a good support network around me at the time. My husband (who was not my husband at the time) thought it best for me to go to his mother's house each evening when he went off to work at night, "just in case" I needed help. While the thought was kind, I did not have the privacy I needed to learn how to master breastfeeding. Part of researching and arming yourself beforehand gives you the self-confidence you need to tackle this in any given circumstance.

I had to go back to work after my six week maternity leave was up. Yes, I had an electric pump... but where to use it as a McDonald's employee? 

Now, obviously, those were MY personal hang ups. Not everyone is going to face those same challenges, but know that there WILL be challenges as you begin this adventure. 

My living circumstances were vastly different the second go around. By then I was a stay at home mom with a great support network of friends and family. I'd done more research this time and was less timid about nursing when others were around. I chose not to have an epidural for that birth, so Baby was not nearly as sleepy and reluctant to learn. Night and day difference. Same for the last two babies. All in all, I nursed my second child for twenty two months (and was seven months pregnant when I weaned him); seventeen months with my third child (and was five months pregnant when weaning her) and I plan on nursing this one for as long as she wants to, seeing as we don't plan on having any more children to "kick her off the boob", so to speak. 

I once called into a radio talk show, which was talking about nursing in public. I don't remember what I said to the host, other than I was still nursing my 22 month old at the time, and that we had every right to NIP (nurse in public) anywhere I was allowed to be to begin with. The next caller had me livid when he said how disgusting it was that I was still nursing my child who was that old, implying I had sexual motives behind allowing that to continue. The nerve! I wanted to call back and shout from the roof tops that the World Health Organization (WHO) recommends nursing for at LEAST the first two years of life. At least!

Know your rights. If an employee at a store/restaurant/wherever approaches you and tells you you can't breastfeed where you are, inform them they are WRONG and you can nurse wherever you darn well please. One time at Walmart, shortly after the birth of my third child, I saw an obviously new mama with an itty bitty baby, trying to discreetly nurse on a bench. Granted, it was in the middle of main aisle and there was no privacy to speak of, she still had every right to sit down and nurse. I heard a couple of idiot teenage girls loudly exclaiming over how "disgusting" that was. Oooo, I saw red. The poor mama heard them, too. Instead of reaming them (which I dearly wanted to do), I went up to that new mama and told her she was doing a great job and to keep it up and not listen to idiot teenage girls.

Breastfeeding truly can be an adventure. From leaking through nursing pads at your father's 50th birthday bash (and crying in embarrassment), to having no place to nurse at your sister in law's house so you go out to your car to relieve pressure into a baby diaper (seriously, lots of kids and a bathroom that was a walkthrough from one room to another) to becoming your child's "lovey" . . . breastfeeding will provide no end of interesting encounters, tender moments of bonding and honest times of "oh-my-gosh-I-want-my-body-BACK." It's not all fun and games. It's not all gazing lovingly into your child's eyes as they happily nurse away. There are cracked nipples, plugged milk ducts, mastitis and lopsided breasts to deal with.
 
But it's all worth it. It really is. 

Shortcuts

Millie writes:

When I wrote about my shortcut for measuring out shortening while baking (you break the eggs into the measuring cup first, dump them into the bowl and then pack in the shortening – the remainder of the egg goo will make it slide right out), I got some feedback that made me realize there are probably all sorts of hints, tips and workarounds that we all use every day. Here's a baker's dozen of mine; some obvious, some perhaps not. I'd love to hear yours!

When diapering a baby, tent the clean diaper over the business end of the baby while you're getting the old diaper off and policing up the area. It will act as a shield – you're standing directly in the Pee Strike Zone, and some of those kids have some serious range.

If you want to measure ½ cup and all you have is a 1-cup measure (or you're stingy and don't want to have to wash another cup), simply tip the cup to measure. When whatever you're measuring reaches from the top edge of the base of the cup to the bottom edge of the mouth of the cup, it's exactly half. Out of measuring cups? Use a baby bottle.

When you're trying to put something into one of those death-by-static-cling produce bags in the grocery store, forget it – slip your hand into the bag instead. Then grab the item you're trying to bag with that hand and use the OTHER hand to pull the bag up inside-out around the item. It's much easier.

When you're serving corn on the cob, even a little kid can manage it himself if you give him a piece of bread. Butter the bread thoroughly, then wrap it around the corn to transfer the butter.

If you use shaving cream in a metal can, paint the bottom of the can with clear nail polish so it won't leave a rust ring in the shower.

Store your linens by folding the a top sheet and a bottom sheet together and sliding them into a pillowcase. If you color-code the sheets (i.e., queen is white, full is pink, twin is blue) then finding the right size and changing the beds will be a snap.

You don't have to wash out the brush, roller and pan if you're taking a short painting break; just slip them into plastic bags and twist the ends shut. That will keep the paint from hardening for an hour or two.

Put a clean tennis shoe in the dryer with pillows and comforters; it will help keep the filling from bunching up.

Put a sponge or a small drip tray in the bottom of a hanging basket before you add the dirt; it will help them retain water longer.

Teething babies love to chew on cold things, but you don't need to buy an expensive teething ring – just give him an unopened Otter Pop (the popsicles in the plastic tubes). They're rinse-able and reusable. Watch for cheek frostbite, though!

If your brown sugar gets hard, zap it in the microwave for a few seconds. Put a few soda crackers in the container afterward to absorb moisture. The microwave works for honey and jam that have crystallized, too; just nuke 'til they're melted, stir and wait for them to cool.

To get gum out of fabric, forget peanut butter – even if it works you will have an oil stain on the fabric. Put the piece of clothing in the freezer. When the gum is frozen it will just chip right off.

Rub petroleum jelly in the socket of a candle stick before you stick the candle in. It will make it easy to remove the candle stub without scratching up the candle stick.

Teaching our Children to Protect Themselves

Millie writes:

Yesterday, as part of this summer's Bachelor Camp, a martial-arts black belt came and taught a self-defense class in our back yard.

It was fun, because the Sensei was our son-in-law Roger, and he's a natural teacher. It was intense, because he took it very seriously and so did the kids - also because it was hot and they worked out for a long time.

It was also kind of scary.

Face it: Nobody wants to think about their child needing to know what to do if an attacker comes at him with a knife, or if he's caught in the middle of a gang fight. When we're in the midst of pink-and-blue teddy bear daydreams, we vow to nestle our children under our protective wings and keep them from harm all their days.

Sadly, that's not the way it works.

Lance and Arthur and I have had all sorts of talks with our kids about fighting and defending themselves. We say the usual things: Don't be afraid to make a scene, don't start a fight unless you're prepared to follow it through, if you have to fight - fight to win, and the perennial favorite “if you can walk away from the situation, you have handled it correctly.” These are all true, as far as they go, and passing knowledge and tips like this along to your kids can give you a fuzzy feeling of accomplishment.

They need more than platitudes.

Even if you live on a desert island and home-school, your child will not always be where you can protect him. He will go to the store, he will go to camp, he will grow up and move away eventually. He wants to know – and you WANT him to know – how to handle himself. Two of our kids were mugged at gunpoint when they were 14, at a bus stop 3 blocks from Arthur's house. Our daughters have been followed, propositioned and approached in unwelcome ways. Just last Friday, the family was at Movies in the Park and a drugged-up ex-soldier tried to start a fight with Rocky while he was escorting Sassy to the bathroom. So far, thanks to a combination of careful advance planning, instruction and a heaping scoop of luck, they've all walked away from their encounters.

The party line in public schools nowadays is that fighting is NEVER appropriate. While I understand the concept – particularly in these times when even a preschooler could be packing heat – I disagree. Sometimes fighting back is the only thing to do. I don't want to teach my sons to roll over and show their bellies any time they're approached by a bully or a thief. I don't want to teach my daughters to submit quietly to rape because it's not ladylike to cause a fuss. I don't want my kids to start fights – but I do want them to know how to finish one.

Teach your children to take care of themselves physically as well as emotionally. Sign them up for a martial arts class, boxing lessons or a self-defense seminar. Our job is parents is to help our children learn everything they'll need to know to make it as adults . . .

even the things we wish they didn't know.